Pedestrian Thoughts Beside Plastic Flowers
 


Here I lay in my polysester bed

at a "Residence Hotel."  Who would have

thougth this place could be two

steps from hell. I search my mind to know

where was the turning point, what was the

event, for over five years now my marriage

has been spent.

I cry and wallow in self-pity by myself,

like a tattered, one eyed doll sitting

alone on the shelf.  Then I dry my eyes and

realize that all is up from here. For I

have two beautiful daughters to watch

over...close or near. There are many

obstacles in my new path to shirk:

misconceptions, lies, lack of

presence...if I continue to work.  If I

leave my job they will have less, possibly

reverting back to the previous mess.  For

now I am the target of anger hate, lies at

best...better focused on me than those

angels comfortable in the prior tormentorīs

nest. Sacrifice is a  word that I really did

not know; until I was asked to watch, at a

distance, my loved ones grow. "Let go but

hold on, let go but hold on"...is my 

mantra that I recite at dawn. For I hope

that one day consciousness will awake and

realities however twisted will become more

straight. The two dreams that I lived daily

in my life...are now securely sequestered

across town with my wife. Gone is the

guidance and sense that I gave to

the house when "things" became tense.

The difficult times of the previous years,

the yelling, the threats, the sorrow, the

tears, are not so simply one sided as I was

prone to believe. A happier woman emerged

when I turned to leave...not a fate that

choose, embrace or believe.




"Scooter"